PART ONE
EVERY age has its issues and older age is no exception.
We can choose to dwell on these or turn our thinking in another direction and look at the rewards and benefits that we may reap from the seeds sown in earlier years. And it is never too late to sow!
The Bealtaine Festival each May celebrates creativity in older age. The words creativity and older age together may not spring quickly to mind for everyone, but in today’s world there are endless possibilities for creativity and activity in the third age and Bealtaine gives us the opportunity to explore and have some fun.
Maybe we should start by acknowledging some of the losses that might come at this time. Some we take for granted. “Ah sure, doesn’t that happen everyone” but that doesn’t take away from the sense of loss we might feel when we don’t seem to have the same energy or vitality we once had, the same stamina or physical strength and dexterity. The feeling of slowing down!
Hearing loss might happen everyone but that doesn’t make being in a crowd and struggling to keep up with the conversation any easier! What about those “senior moments” when we forget the name of someone we know well or forget what we went up the stairs to get.
The loss of our beautiful hair colour and the onset of grey! Not just vanity! The achievement of some of our ambitions – but not all! We may feel sad or bitter about what we didn’t manage. The sense of easing back or retiring from work and the inevitable challenge to our identity that results. Who are we now if we’re not defined by our occupation?
Lots of food for thought! Some losses are more tangible – the loss of dear friends and family members can be very difficult to cope with.
Other challenges include ageism – the attitudes of other people, usually younger, who dismiss or underestimate what older people have to offer; and who may discriminate against them in various ways.
Another issue may be increasing awareness of our own mortality So, what are the gains and benefits of getting older? A recent study at the University of Michigan in Canada demonstrated and confirmed the long-held view that wisdom increases with age.
Older people are more likely to recognise that values differ, to acknowledge uncertainties, to accept that things change over time and to acknowledge others’ points of view.
This means that older people, in their experience and wisdom, have a lot to contribute to society.
Self awareness and self acceptance, both keys to greater ease within ourselves, are also likely to be higher. There is more time and freedom to enjoy life as responsibilities gradually pass to the next generation. Relationships with grandchildren (which involve less responsibility and hard work than when rearing our own children) can be fostered and developed, and give great joy to both grandparents and children alike.
Sometimes it can be our own expectations on what we can do that limit us. Jeanne de Calment, a French woman who lived until the age of 122, lived in her own apartment until she was 110 and rode a bicycle until she was 115.
At 120 she was described by the French press as frail, blind and almost totally deaf, but with her mental faculties still intact. She certainly didn’t let her age define and limit her engagement with living. Leonard Cohen put it very well in his song Anthem:
Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything – that’s how the light gets in!
The message is to do what you can and focus on that rather than on what you can’t do. Bealtaine will be upon us next week. Why not check out now what’s happening in your area and make some plans to participate. Embrace the dance! Get up and get out!
Evelyn Burke, MIACP, Counsellor / Psychotherapist practising in Naas
www.naascounselling.ie