By Laura Hutchinson
I’M a firm believer in karma. The universe has to balance out, so if something bad happens to you, it’s because there’s something great coming your way (or, if you’re un-lucky, has already come your way and you’re just paying for it after the fact). That’s why I was always so delighted when I inevitably got food poisoning before the release of exam results. There’s nothing like projectile vomiting to make you feel positive you’ll get good grades.
So those of you who think I’m a good friend/listener or whatever should beware – I’m probably only doing it because I’ve a tough day at the office coming up. Or a tight deadline to meet. Or I want a new pair of shoes. (Except you. Yes, you. You I genuinely like.)
Nonetheless, my selfish sentiments were nowhere to be seen when I boarded a train to Tralee recently. Yes, I helped that old man lift his suitcase onto the train just for the thrill of it. Because I’m nice like that. He was very appreciative, and I was more than happy to bask in the warm glow of my goodness. But it didn’t last long. You see, while it’s true that I’m a skinny minny, it’s not from a strenuous exercise regime, it’s just good genes. In reality, I have the upper body strength of a kitten, so when it came to getting my suitcase into the overhead storage, I was at a bit of a loss. Several efforts proved fruitless, and only heightened my fear of decapitating some poor unfortunate. And so it was that my fuzzy feeling, unlike my suitcase, was lifted.
Then lo and behold, along came a selfless stranger who swung my bag up with the ease of an athlete. While I was generally grateful for his good deed, I was also secretly annoyed that he’d just cancelled out my own altruistic endeavours not several moments beforehand. What a git. I was more determined than ever to increase my karmic brownie points. That’d teach that little toe-rag to steal my thunder.
My first opportunity came along when we changed trains in Mallow and I went looking for the seat I had reserved. Wouldn’t you know it, some old lady had parked herself right in my space. She was all for moving and, if I’m honest, I was all for chucking her out, until I saw that the train was packed to capacity and the poor old dear would be forced to stand for the remainder of her journey. Seizing the gift the gods had given me, I told her not to budge an inch, and stood there proudly with my head held high as I imagined all the wonderful things the universe would have in store for me. So when some young lad offered me his seat, I was none too pleased. How dare he try to undo all my good work! I declined his offer to thieve my karmic treats, and remained upright.
By the time we pulled into Tralee, I was on a mission. Seeing a woman struggling to get her bag down from over her head, I rushed towards her. There was no way I was letting anyone or anything stop me from racking up more cosmic respect. “Get out of the way,” I yelled at her, almost knocking her off her feet in my attempt to do good by her. Feeling mightily pleased with myself, I headed for the heart of Tralee with a spring in my step.
Since then, I’ve been thinking of all the ways the universe could repay me. There’s that pair of shoes I’ve been wanting to wear to my wedding next year that appear to be sold out everywhere. Or maybe a nice little car so I can take off on wonderful weekend adventures. And I certainly wouldn’t say no to a team of hair and make-up experts coming to my house every morning to make me presentable.
Of course, I’m not the greedy type. I know the universe will only provide me with one treat. So, all-powerful universe, I’d just like to take this opportunity to mention that one simple Lotto win would cover all of the above. Just sayin’.