Gen Z, situationships, and dating: 'You swipe right and think, well, who's next?'

Eva Osborne

Generation Z, generally considered to be those born between 1997 and 2012, has turned the dating scene into a game.

Whether it's swiping right and left and selling themselves to the hordes of dating app users through selfies, or engaging in 'situationships' to avoid commitment, my generation has perfected the art of being perpetually dissatisfied.

A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship between two people who do not consider themselves a couple, but who have more than a friendship.

So, why are Gen Z happy to settle for this shallow and chaotic spin-off of a relationship, rather than looking for the real thing?

Relationship consultant David Kavanagh puts this validation-seeking, commitment-avoiding behaviour down to dopamine addiction - a result of having access to the internet and smartphones from a young age.

Gen Z are taught to be dissatisfied with what they have. It's how many corporations make their money, and, the thing is, we fall for it every time.

We're sold watches that will help track our sleep and count our steps. We're sold supplements that will allegedly prevent wrinkles. We're sold the notion of 'The One' and told that we should keep searching, even if we're happy with someone else, because someone better for us may be just around the corner.

Kavanagh said: "It's the idea that when you swipe right on your Tinder, Bumble or Hinge, once you match somebody, you think: 'Well, who's next?'

"That's because young people are very much addicted to dopamine because of being given access to smartphones from a very young age.

"So obviously then, if people are addicted to dopamine, they want the next thing, the next person, the new novel experience.

That's what's driving a large proportion of situationships, because people are slow to invest in one individual, just in case that isn't the right person for them.

Kavanagh said young people believe that there may be somebody else out there that would be a better fit for them than a person they have just matched with, or someone they are in a situationship or relationship with.

"And that's not necessarily true. Yes, some people are a good match for you, and some people are not a good match for you. But if you run with the idea that there's always someone better than the person you are with, you'll never be satisfied," he said.

"And that's what dopamine addiction is. You're never satisfied with what you have. You always want more. And that's being sold to us from a consumer's perspective, from a values perspective in terms of relationships, and education, everything.

"Like you have a degree, you need a masters. You have a masters, you need a PhD. It's never ending, and it's obviously corporate-driven. It's making money for the billionaires.

"I think a lot of us are being channelled in a particular direction, but we're basically just puppets or pawns in a much larger chess game, and Gen Z is at the end of that game, whereby the worst value systems are being given to them rather than the best value system."

Stopping the cycle

Kavanagh said Gen Z needs to become satisfied with what they have instead of always looking to the next thing.

"I do fear for younger people because they will potentially never find happiness if they're never happy with themselves or with the person that they've chosen," he said.

He said the way to get off the "addiction cycle and dopamine cycle" is to tackle social media consumption.

"If you're scrolling all the time, stop scrolling. If you're constantly looking at social media to try and find where people are going that's making them happy, or what are they wearing to try to fit in.

"If you just become present to yourself and your own experiences and just slow everything down, you will probably find that the person you're with, if you are in a relationship, is much more enjoyable to be with when you're not on your phone.

"When you're actually just with them and you're looking at them and really talking to them with undivided attention, as opposed distracted attention, which is what I think a lot of us are suffering from.

"So get off social media, get off the internet, because I think 99 per cent of us are addicted to the internet. Get off the internet and go and enjoy the experiences you have with your friends and with your potential boyfriend or girlfriend.

"Because once you do that, and once you're just physically and emotionally and psychologically present to somebody, you realise the value there in the interconnectedness, of human beings really connecting with each other rather than half connecting by watching a movie but really being on their phones and individually chasing stuff that's trying to make them happy.

"Get off social media for as long as you can at least, and go and experience the world and all that it has to offer, the good and the bad. Be in reality as opposed to in cyber reality."