Kildare woman's campaign for hospice 'cuddle' bed
Helen with her son Faolán and her late husband Cianán Lambe
DEATH is a topic many of us shy away from. Yet in hospice settings, families often discover for the first time that the clinical nature of end-of-life care can restrict something deeply human: physical closeness.
In 2013, Athy resident Helen Lambe experienced this during the care of her husband at Kildare/West Wicklow Hospice. This sparked a fundraising campaign in her husband’s name – ‘A cuddle from Cianán’ – which was put together to raise money for a bariatric ‘cuddle bed’ for hospice patients and their families.
Newbridge man Cianán Lambe was diagnosed with kidney cancer which had metastasised to his bones in 2012.
“We got the diagnosis in May 2012 and thought we’d been given a prognosis of five years, but he deteriorated very quickly,” said Helen.
Within six months, Cianán went into hospice care and spent five weeks there, with his wife by his side every day and night.
“We were only married three years and we had a one-year-old son. I can’t overstate how devastating it was,” explained Helen.
Spending each night at the hospice, Helen learned first hand how hospice beds can limit physical closeness with a dying loved one. She said: “I spent every night there with him, which was an amazing thing to be able to do compared to a hospital scenario.”
“With night after night lying on the floor, looking up at the bed, trying to hold hands and talk, those end-of-day conversations were incredibly intimate. You don’t want to be standing opposite someone having a difficult conversation. You want to be side by side in the bed, that easy intimacy.”
Due to the cancer being in Cianán’s bones, Helen was unable to sit in the narrow hospice bed with him, which prevented them from sharing physical closeness during his last days.
Reflecting on her and her late husband’s experience, she said: “He felt very safe, very secure and very loved. I was grateful I could be there, but I felt it could be better.”
Coming from that experience, Helen was determined to fight for other families experiencing end-of-life care with the idea of the ‘cuddle bed’, which Helen described as a bariatric bed that can extend into a bed big enough to accommodate another person.
“After Cianán died in January 2013, it took me a year or two before I could think about it again and see if I could do something. I contacted the Irish Hospice Association and researched hospices in the UK. They all saw the need, but the bed didn’t exist,” said Helen.
“I remember thinking, ‘What about a medical co-sleeper?’”
She continued: “Years later, I discovered that a bariatric bed is being used as a cuddle bed in hospices around the world. I found a company distributing them in Ireland, O’Flynn Medical, and contacted them.”
The bed is suitable for bariatric and palliative care settings, as advertised by O’Flynn Medical itself. A special feature of the bed involves a ‘powered width expansion’, which increases the size of the bed, allowing more space for loved ones to sit or lie down.
O’Flynn Medical delivered a bed to the hospice on a trial basis. Helen told the that the trial was a very positive experience for users and hospice care workers. “A young family benefited from it in November, and the hospice absolutely loved it. They’re really anxious to get one permanently,” she said.
The only problem for such a fantastic idea was the financial obstacle – the €25,000 price tag – so Helen undertook to raise €20,000 for Friends of St Brigid Hospice and Homecare Services, a charity working on behalf of the Kildare/West Wicklow Hospice.
At the time of interview, the campaign had reached €12,500, with great thanks to the play put on by Narraghmore Drama Group, who kindly donated the proceeds of ticket sales and raffles of their presentation of Sam Cree’s .
“A lot of my community came out to support it, and the fundraiser jumped massively in just a few days,” said Helen.
From experiencing the birth of her son, Faolán, and the death of her husband a year later, Helen noticed the striking similarities between birth and death. She drew an example from the importance of skin-to-skin contact between mothers and babies during the first phase of life, and then the importance of that same closeness between loved ones to help ease them out of life.
“First and foremost, it eases the passage for the person who’s dying; it calms the nervous system,” said Helen. “Second, it helps the grieving process for those left behind, knowing they had that opportunity for real closeness.
“To be able to sleep beside your loved one, to snuggle, to hold hands, to watch a movie together – that matters.
“It’s not just for spouses. It’s for children, parents, best friends – any relationship where physical closeness is natural.”
While the fundraiser has seen incredible support from the community, there is still quite a bit to go. You can show support by donating at www.gofundme.com/f/a-cuddle-bed-for-kildare-west-wicklow-hospice.
